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Jul 31, 2010

The Worst Query Letter Ever

Are you ever plagued by the worry, "What if I haven't written enough drek?"

I've been going through boxes of my old papers recovered from my mom's garage. One held a trove of old stories. I've already found a few lost manuscripts. Now I'm finding manuscripts that were not only lost but entirely forgotten.

In most cases, for good reason.

Short stories, novellas, worldbuilding notes on worlds I never finished building,

Frex, I've found mysterious messages scrawled across the top of a scene that begins and ends on page 5. "Note to self: I'm not sure what ATEN is, but it is really important."

Self to Note: WTF?

On the one hand, I think, well, if I was worried I hadn't written the million words of drek it supposedly takes to become a decent writer, clearly that fear was unfounded.

But, egad, it is SO BAD.

The worst embarrassment of all has got to be the query letter I found. The author talks about herself in third person for three paragraphs, and then in the fourth paragraph, adds, "As the above mentioned author, I hope you will consider becoming my agent..."

Shudder.

Let us not even mention the grandiose and ridiculous claims made by this third person author. And the kicker is that I can't even tell what book I thought I was querying. Somehow I forgot to mention that.

Unbelievable.

Present Self: Please, please, younger self, tell me you never sent this query letter anywhere.

Younger Self: Pretty sure I didn't.

Present Self: [lets out breath in big whoosh]

Younger Self: HERE'S the query I sent....

Present Self: MUST.... NOT.... LOOK....

1 comment:

androidblues said...

Same thing happened to me yesterday, although not nearly that horrible.