The Worst Query Letter Ever
Are you ever plagued by the worry, "What if I haven't written enough drek?"
I've been going through boxes of my old papers recovered from my mom's garage. One held a trove of old stories. I've already found a few lost manuscripts. Now I'm finding manuscripts that were not only lost but entirely forgotten.
In most cases, for good reason.
Short stories, novellas, worldbuilding notes on worlds I never finished building,
Frex, I've found mysterious messages scrawled across the top of a scene that begins and ends on page 5. "Note to self: I'm not sure what ATEN is, but it is really important."
Self to Note: WTF?
On the one hand, I think, well, if I was worried I hadn't written the million words of drek it supposedly takes to become a decent writer, clearly that fear was unfounded.
But, egad, it is SO BAD.
The worst embarrassment of all has got to be the query letter I found. The author talks about herself in third person for three paragraphs, and then in the fourth paragraph, adds, "As the above mentioned author, I hope you will consider becoming my agent..."
Shudder.
Let us not even mention the grandiose and ridiculous claims made by this third person author. And the kicker is that I can't even tell what book I thought I was querying. Somehow I forgot to mention that.
Unbelievable.
Present Self: Please, please, younger self, tell me you never sent this query letter anywhere.
Younger Self: Pretty sure I didn't.
Present Self: [lets out breath in big whoosh]
Younger Self: HERE'S the query I sent....
Present Self: MUST.... NOT.... LOOK....
I've been going through boxes of my old papers recovered from my mom's garage. One held a trove of old stories. I've already found a few lost manuscripts. Now I'm finding manuscripts that were not only lost but entirely forgotten.
In most cases, for good reason.
Short stories, novellas, worldbuilding notes on worlds I never finished building,
Frex, I've found mysterious messages scrawled across the top of a scene that begins and ends on page 5. "Note to self: I'm not sure what ATEN is, but it is really important."
Self to Note: WTF?
On the one hand, I think, well, if I was worried I hadn't written the million words of drek it supposedly takes to become a decent writer, clearly that fear was unfounded.
But, egad, it is SO BAD.
The worst embarrassment of all has got to be the query letter I found. The author talks about herself in third person for three paragraphs, and then in the fourth paragraph, adds, "As the above mentioned author, I hope you will consider becoming my agent..."
Shudder.
Let us not even mention the grandiose and ridiculous claims made by this third person author. And the kicker is that I can't even tell what book I thought I was querying. Somehow I forgot to mention that.
Unbelievable.
Present Self: Please, please, younger self, tell me you never sent this query letter anywhere.
Younger Self: Pretty sure I didn't.
Present Self: [lets out breath in big whoosh]
Younger Self: HERE'S the query I sent....
Present Self: MUST.... NOT.... LOOK....
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